Rolled into Alabama tired... I have a friend in Birmingham and she was generous enough to have dinner, air mattress, and towel for a shower ready when I got there. Somehow she talked me into going to meet her boss in a bar/club for what was supposed to be really quick... I had caught my second wind and thought what the hell "when in Rome, right?" I didn't have a collared shirt for the "dress code" so she bought me one at Wal-Mart and we took off to meet her boss... We roll into this place and I quickly notice that everyone going in is black. That's when she "remembers" that this is a black bar/club. I'm a little bit furious at this point. I know that Birmingham, Alabama is not one of the most racially tense places, so its all good! Oh.. Wait. It is the most racially tense place in the nation. Always mix that up. Anyway, it is too late to back out now. Life Points I say to myself, I am going to get so many damn life points for this. If it doesn't kill me that is. I would have felt more comfortable if she said, "Oh, by the way there are two Grizzly bears in this bar, I at least have bear awareness training."
With an un-wipeable sheepish grin I roll into this place after getting a good pat-down from security. Security was about a 6'6, 285 giant of a man. He looked at me like this boy is straight crazy. He shouldn't of patted me down. Out if fairness he should have slipped a knife into my pocket just to give me a fighting chance. I walk past the door looking around anxiously... Yip, I am the only white man in this place. There were almost 400 people in this club, and there was me, white and going hard for my city. I'd like to say that I was stoic and just acted normal... But, I would be a dirty liar. I was beyond uncomfortable. I was unwelcome, and one of these things is not like the others.
We went over to the "VIP" section that her boss was at and said our hellos. Her boss says to me, "Hey! Look, you are the only white man in here!" You don't think I know this? I scanned every face in this bar within the first 5 seconds just hoping someone else dared do what I was doing. No one else was this dumb unfortunately. It only took a few minutes for me to realize that I was just standing there rigid in a wave of people moving to the music... I was that one seahorse not swaying with the seaweeds and if I kept it up I was going to get my ass ate... So, I knew I needed to loosen up. What I needed was a drink. But, not too much of a drink. I had to keep my wits but not be too tense. Here I was needing to do a very difficult calculation taking into account altitude, body weight, tolerance, concentration of the beverage, and I hadn't brought my Ti-89 or equipment to do a titration on my drink to find out the exact concentration... I was going to have to guesstimate and guesstimate well.
I went to up to the bar and a man of about my height in a black tank top gets right into my face breaths in deep and goes wide eyed then walks away... Yip, I am going to die. I go up to the bar and order the safest thing, a bottle of bud light. Not only is it of a known alcohol concentration it is also made of glass and could be used as a weapon if need be. I repeat this 4 times at intervals as needed to sway with the seaweeds. Then I have to pee... Oh sweet Jesus, not now! But, it was time and I had to man up. So I left the safety of the VIP ropes and head out across the dance floor. Accompanied by my friend and her boss for safety. Seriously never thought I would need a girl for protection, but here it was my only chance. We make it too the bathroom safely and it is somehow, someway empty so I pee faster then anyone has peed before and may have even chipped some porcelain. I wash my hands and head out alone to swim across the open ocean that is the dance floor. Once again I make it just fine. Everyone, is actually pretty nice and surprised to see my face when I work through the crowd. Maybe I am afraid for no reason I think? I get back to the group. Am I safe? Maybe this wasn't scary at all? I look over and see my friend from the bar in the black tank top staring me down, along with about 8 other friends looking disapprovingly. Nope, back to reality I still might die. Sway with the weeds I say to myself, just sway...
The DJ on stage keeps asking, "Where my nigga's at!?" All I can think is they must need to turn those stage lights down this dude obviously can't see. My friend after what seems like an eternity turns to me and says, "Are you ready to go?" No words will ever sound so sweet in my life. I was born ready to gtfoutta this place! I would love to say that my time in this bar blew away all the racial stereo-types. But the DJ calling out for girls to shave there you know whats, a song dedicated to locked up homies, and hearing the N word about 15,000 times didn't help much. I made it out unharmed though and for that I am very thankful.
I am very aware that this post may come off extremely racist. But, its not the skin color that had me afraid. Skin has never hurt anyone. Well, redheads who are in the sun too long may disagree. It is the broken culture that had me afraid. The me first, get rich or die trying, women as bitches, and violence first culture that is all to prevalent that had me nervous. I was afraid because I had good reason to be. You, show me a white man who says he would have felt comfortable in that situation, I will show you damn a liar.
LIFEPOINTS: 1,000,000
With an un-wipeable sheepish grin I roll into this place after getting a good pat-down from security. Security was about a 6'6, 285 giant of a man. He looked at me like this boy is straight crazy. He shouldn't of patted me down. Out if fairness he should have slipped a knife into my pocket just to give me a fighting chance. I walk past the door looking around anxiously... Yip, I am the only white man in this place. There were almost 400 people in this club, and there was me, white and going hard for my city. I'd like to say that I was stoic and just acted normal... But, I would be a dirty liar. I was beyond uncomfortable. I was unwelcome, and one of these things is not like the others.
We went over to the "VIP" section that her boss was at and said our hellos. Her boss says to me, "Hey! Look, you are the only white man in here!" You don't think I know this? I scanned every face in this bar within the first 5 seconds just hoping someone else dared do what I was doing. No one else was this dumb unfortunately. It only took a few minutes for me to realize that I was just standing there rigid in a wave of people moving to the music... I was that one seahorse not swaying with the seaweeds and if I kept it up I was going to get my ass ate... So, I knew I needed to loosen up. What I needed was a drink. But, not too much of a drink. I had to keep my wits but not be too tense. Here I was needing to do a very difficult calculation taking into account altitude, body weight, tolerance, concentration of the beverage, and I hadn't brought my Ti-89 or equipment to do a titration on my drink to find out the exact concentration... I was going to have to guesstimate and guesstimate well.
I went to up to the bar and a man of about my height in a black tank top gets right into my face breaths in deep and goes wide eyed then walks away... Yip, I am going to die. I go up to the bar and order the safest thing, a bottle of bud light. Not only is it of a known alcohol concentration it is also made of glass and could be used as a weapon if need be. I repeat this 4 times at intervals as needed to sway with the seaweeds. Then I have to pee... Oh sweet Jesus, not now! But, it was time and I had to man up. So I left the safety of the VIP ropes and head out across the dance floor. Accompanied by my friend and her boss for safety. Seriously never thought I would need a girl for protection, but here it was my only chance. We make it too the bathroom safely and it is somehow, someway empty so I pee faster then anyone has peed before and may have even chipped some porcelain. I wash my hands and head out alone to swim across the open ocean that is the dance floor. Once again I make it just fine. Everyone, is actually pretty nice and surprised to see my face when I work through the crowd. Maybe I am afraid for no reason I think? I get back to the group. Am I safe? Maybe this wasn't scary at all? I look over and see my friend from the bar in the black tank top staring me down, along with about 8 other friends looking disapprovingly. Nope, back to reality I still might die. Sway with the weeds I say to myself, just sway...
The DJ on stage keeps asking, "Where my nigga's at!?" All I can think is they must need to turn those stage lights down this dude obviously can't see. My friend after what seems like an eternity turns to me and says, "Are you ready to go?" No words will ever sound so sweet in my life. I was born ready to gtfoutta this place! I would love to say that my time in this bar blew away all the racial stereo-types. But the DJ calling out for girls to shave there you know whats, a song dedicated to locked up homies, and hearing the N word about 15,000 times didn't help much. I made it out unharmed though and for that I am very thankful.
I am very aware that this post may come off extremely racist. But, its not the skin color that had me afraid. Skin has never hurt anyone. Well, redheads who are in the sun too long may disagree. It is the broken culture that had me afraid. The me first, get rich or die trying, women as bitches, and violence first culture that is all to prevalent that had me nervous. I was afraid because I had good reason to be. You, show me a white man who says he would have felt comfortable in that situation, I will show you damn a liar.
LIFEPOINTS: 1,000,000
To late I already read it. I'm so glad that you lived to see 27! Love MOM
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