I was just getting amped up for the most exciting and intense portion of my journey. The west. I knew what I wanted to do and my plans included some pretty amazing things. I was back in my territory and had dreamed of doing some of these things all of my adult life. Well just read my AMPED!!! post to see how I felt about it. I was so excited for what awaited that I was ignoring the fact that I hadn't felt well since Chicago. I told myself that it was just a lingering hang over from a rough night in Chicago. If you have been following the blog you also know that during my time in New England I went through about a week of not feeling well and not posting... What I didn't mention was that during that time I noticed a small rash on my inner thigh. By the time I noticed the rash though my symptoms and it quickly disappeared. Out of sight out of mind. When I reached South Dakota the joint and muscle stiffness combined with the feeling a little bit out of it became a little harder to ignore, but I overcame this and ignored them anyway. I did so much in those two days, I'm sure part of the reason why I hit it so hard was to show myself that I was fine. Better than ever in fact. In a way I was. The sick me is still better than the me I left as, both physically and mentally. But I learned there is a limit.
I was making my way towards Banff National Park, AB, CN when I became more tired and my knees and ankles were popping just in the motion of braking and hitting the gas... I pulled over to a rest stop and decided to check for the rash. It was back. I sent some text to my doctor friend and she said that it is very possible that I have Lyme. She made it seem like no big deal however and some antibiotics would make me right as rain. Such a small deal that it shouldn't even slow my adventure down. I was at a crossroads. I was as close to home as I was going to be for a long time. I decided to get a hotel room and spend the night in Sheridan, WY to think about it and hit up an instacare in the morning. I did a 3-4 mile run that night once again just to prove to myself that I was okay. The run went fine and I thought if I can do that I can continue on. I woke up at 2 a.m. that morning and the question period was over it was time to go home and see a doctor. So i made the long drive home. I stopped at Maple Grove hot springs to surprise some friends and maybe do a little bear river float. It was kind of weird to see things were just the same when so much had changed for me. I was starting to feel the illness and the very early wake up so I knew there would be no float for me. It was really hard to come back before I was ready. Though I had no reason to be I kind of felt ashamed. Like I had let myself down. I didn't finish. In the end this just wasn't how I wanted it to happen...
I headed straight back to Logan to the instacare clinic. I had to ask for antibiotics because the doctor said it was probably too late. I said well we probably should be safe and do them anyway. She agreed and we did some blood work to confirm whether its Lyme or not. Still waiting on that. She did say however that I would need to follow up for several weeks to make sure it doesn't get more serious... Good thing I didn't continue on I guess?
I headed straight home. I felt defeated, weak, and just plain down. This was supposed to be a happy experience coming home. Returning triumphant and complete. But timing is everything and this time was no where near right. I was broken and unfinished. It is hard to describe traveling alone in the fashion I did. Everything is different. Just over two months of life passed for everyone else. For me it felt like a lifetime. When you are doing something new and different every day. When everyday is an adventure, a trial, and unique you catalog it different. You are living everyday. No repetition no lost days. It feels like I have gained at least an extra year or two of LIFE. It was a world and understanding in gestation and it had to be cut short. It felt like I was on the verge of something great, something greater than myself, but now it has been stolen from me. I am not done, I am not giving up, but what has been undone by returning to the familiar too soon cannot be recovered. I love my family and look forward to spending time with friends, but my mind and my heart is elsewhere, camped underneath the stars wondering if that sound I hear is a bear. Doesn't sound like the end to me?
I was making my way towards Banff National Park, AB, CN when I became more tired and my knees and ankles were popping just in the motion of braking and hitting the gas... I pulled over to a rest stop and decided to check for the rash. It was back. I sent some text to my doctor friend and she said that it is very possible that I have Lyme. She made it seem like no big deal however and some antibiotics would make me right as rain. Such a small deal that it shouldn't even slow my adventure down. I was at a crossroads. I was as close to home as I was going to be for a long time. I decided to get a hotel room and spend the night in Sheridan, WY to think about it and hit up an instacare in the morning. I did a 3-4 mile run that night once again just to prove to myself that I was okay. The run went fine and I thought if I can do that I can continue on. I woke up at 2 a.m. that morning and the question period was over it was time to go home and see a doctor. So i made the long drive home. I stopped at Maple Grove hot springs to surprise some friends and maybe do a little bear river float. It was kind of weird to see things were just the same when so much had changed for me. I was starting to feel the illness and the very early wake up so I knew there would be no float for me. It was really hard to come back before I was ready. Though I had no reason to be I kind of felt ashamed. Like I had let myself down. I didn't finish. In the end this just wasn't how I wanted it to happen...
I headed straight back to Logan to the instacare clinic. I had to ask for antibiotics because the doctor said it was probably too late. I said well we probably should be safe and do them anyway. She agreed and we did some blood work to confirm whether its Lyme or not. Still waiting on that. She did say however that I would need to follow up for several weeks to make sure it doesn't get more serious... Good thing I didn't continue on I guess?
I headed straight home. I felt defeated, weak, and just plain down. This was supposed to be a happy experience coming home. Returning triumphant and complete. But timing is everything and this time was no where near right. I was broken and unfinished. It is hard to describe traveling alone in the fashion I did. Everything is different. Just over two months of life passed for everyone else. For me it felt like a lifetime. When you are doing something new and different every day. When everyday is an adventure, a trial, and unique you catalog it different. You are living everyday. No repetition no lost days. It feels like I have gained at least an extra year or two of LIFE. It was a world and understanding in gestation and it had to be cut short. It felt like I was on the verge of something great, something greater than myself, but now it has been stolen from me. I am not done, I am not giving up, but what has been undone by returning to the familiar too soon cannot be recovered. I love my family and look forward to spending time with friends, but my mind and my heart is elsewhere, camped underneath the stars wondering if that sound I hear is a bear. Doesn't sound like the end to me?
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